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Better Insurance 7/29/2017
A student in medical school wants to specialize in sexual
disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual
disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around,
discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees
a patient masturbating in the hallway. "What condition
does he have?" the student asks. "He suffers
from Seminal Build-up Disorder, " the doctor replies. "If he doesn't ...
0 Comments, 79 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Light Beer 7/28/2017
You know why they say light beer is like sex on the beach?
They're both fuckin close to water!
1 Comments, 5 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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O'brian. 7/28/2017
A traveler walks into a bar in Dublin after a long day to finally
have his first Irish beer. The bartender kindly asks, "What'll
ya have boyo?" to which the traveler responds, "A
pint of guiness, sir." The bartender pulls him a perfect
pint and the traveler stares at it in amazement as it settles.
"Ah, that's a mighty fine pull isn't it boyo?"
The bartender asks. "It's beautiful."
Says ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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the bar 7/27/2017
This man sits next to this lady in a bar and says "I sure
would like a little pussy" The lady reply's "me too mines as big as a hat"
3 Comments, 49 Views,
13 Votes
,4.65 Score
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What's the definition for a Vagina 7/25/2017
What's the definition for a Vagina? The box a Penis comes in ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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weight problem 7/24/2017
i dated a girl with weight problem in high school. in the
dark of the backseat she would cry out....WAIT WAIT WAIT
1 Comments, 56 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Funny joke 7/22/2017
What do you call a fish with no i. FSSSSSSSH...
0 Comments, 7 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Humor is a key component of all successful relationships 7/17/2017
Personally, among all the attirbutes important for a long
term successful relationship.. having a healthy viable
good sense of humor is a must. Its a key link to great cross communications. If you cant
laugh together ( whether its innocent or dark humor) - yo
urelationship will eventually stall. What is your thoughts on the matter? What has been your expereince?
Michaelamour493
0 Comments, 12 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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The Funeral 7/17/2017
At a funeral a priest was giving the last rights to a woman
who had 17 . Her first husband Edward, fathered
6, her second husband Tom fathered 5 and her present husband
George standing at her grave, fathered an additional 6.
As the Priest was wrapping up his solemn and inspirational
comments about her sacrifice and complete love for all
her …He closed with…"She has now been
called by the ...
1 Comments, 123 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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Leroy! 7/14/2017
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed
by 15 .
'WOW, ' the social worker exclaims, 'are
they all yours?"
'Yep, they are all mine, ' the flustered momma
sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, 'Sit down Leroy'. All the rush
to find seats.
'Well, ' says the social worker, 'then you
must be here to sign up. I'll need ...
4 Comments, 120 Views,
12 Votes
,4.92 Score
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jokes are good 7/11/2017
A joke is a display of humour in which words are used within
a specific and well-defined narrative structure to make
people laugh. It takes the form of a story, usually with
dialogue, and ends in a punch line. It is in the punch line
that the audience becomes aware that the story contains
a second, conflicting meaning. This can be done using a
pun or other word play such as irony, a logical ...
1 Comments, 23 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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A LIMERICK 7/10/2017
There was a young man from Kent,
Whose tool was decidedly bent,
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming he went!
1 Comments, 29 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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A SINGH IS A KING ALWAYS 7/7/2017
A muslim friend asked his Sardar friend, when is his Birthday.
He replied next week. The muslim guy said I will love to gift
you curtains so that when make sex with your wife, your windows
have curtains so that neighbors can't watch what you
do. The Singh than asked, when is your birthday, next month
replied his muslim friend, why he asked? The Singh replied
I will love to gift you a ...
0 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
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Which of my friend 7/6/2017
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only
to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined
to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.
"No !" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO !!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did ...
2 Comments, 115 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
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opssssssssssss 7/3/2017
 happym;
0 Comments, 8 Views,
4 Votes
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The Reunion 7/2/2017
Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion.
After meeting several of her friends and former schoolmates,
they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly
bored. The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance.
There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break
dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people,
the works.
Wife turns ...
1 Comments, 142 Views,
20 Votes
,4.78 Score
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fuck 7/2/2017
i hotel first fuck friend but not have comdom
1 Comments, 54 Views,
11 Votes
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Quick jokes 7/1/2017
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A. A carrot
What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. A fsh
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. To get to the other slide.
1 Comments, 36 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? 6/29/2017
John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very
secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John’s grandfather prepared breakfast
of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate,
and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates
clean?” His grandfather replied, ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Hail Damage 6/23/2017
A Blonde got caught in a severe thunderstorm. Soon it began
hailing heavily. Her car had dents all over it so she took
it to a body shop.
The owner met her at the door and she explained what happened.
He looked out and saw the damage and decided to have some
fun with her. “Let me tell you a little secret that will
save you a lot of money. Blow in the tailpipe and the dents
will ...
3 Comments, 160 Views,
27 Votes
,5.03 Score
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The actor & the agent 6/22/2017
An aspiring European actor visits an American agent for
representation. The agent tests him & tells him he has potential.
"What's your name?" " Penis Von Lesbian the actor replies. Agent "You will have to change that if you are to have
a chance at stardom" Actor "Oh No!! I can't do that . My name is an ancient
& honoured name in my country." Agent " I cannot be your agent then. ...
3 Comments, 148 Views,
18 Votes
,5.17 Score
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That's crazy 6/12/2017
There are these two lunatics in an insane asylum and they
decide to leave so they slip out one night at lights out,
climb up to the roof and they see the lights of the city off
in the distance glittering like diamonds, like all that
joy and freedom is just waiting for them. They're up
about four stories but across a narrow gap they can get to
another roof. One of them makes the run and jumps and ...
3 Comments, 144 Views,
11 Votes
,3.73 Score
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A Dwarf 6/2/2017
Listen to this, I was coming home from work tired as heck, it
was like 99 degrees sweat in my eyes, and knocked the shit out
of the car stopped in front of me. To tired to move I just sat there. In a minute the door opened
on the other car..And I couldn't believe it, a little
dwarf midget got out, had both hands on his hips..he walked right up to
my window.. And said I'm not HAPPY... I snickered ...
1 Comments, 122 Views,
16 Votes
,4.60 Score
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whale 6/1/2017
what did one whale say to another whale.....
go home frank ur drunk
2 Comments, 41 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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ceiling fan 5/30/2017
what noise does a ceilng fan make.....
whoooo go ceiling ur number 1 yeah go ceiling....
2 Comments, 25 Views,
7 Votes
,1.00 Score
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...irony of a blowjob... 5/30/2017
...even if you have her on her knees in front of you...she
still "has" you on your balls....
2 Comments, 41 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Life in a retirement village! 5/25/2017
On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed
all the seniors pointing out some of her rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds
for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule
the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a ...
1 Comments, 168 Views,
19 Votes
,5.10 Score
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The Accident 5/23/2017
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've
regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember,
but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're
going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't
find it"
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You ...
6 Comments, 178 Views,
17 Votes
,4.68 Score
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The Social Worker 5/20/2017
A social worker from a big city recently transferred to
an area of hills and valleys in the Appalachians and was
on her first tour of her new territory when she came upon
the tiniest cabin she ever had seen.
Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. “Anybody
home?” she asked.
“Yep, ” came a ’s voice through the door.
“If your father there?” asked the ...
2 Comments, 133 Views,
16 Votes
,4.01 Score
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Egyptian Camels 5/20/2017
Two ladies visiting Egypt see a local castrating a camel
by banging two bricks together on the camels balls.
They are worried about this and ask the camel driver "
Does it hurt?"
He replied " Only if I get my thumbs caught between
the bricks"
1 Comments, 47 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score
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A cowboy and his . 5/18/2017
A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians.
They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared
that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they
would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him.
The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them.
The Chief comes up to him and asks: - What do you want for your first wish? - I want talk to my , - replies the ...
4 Comments, 152 Views,
14 Votes
,6.18 Score
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3'somes 5/14/2017
a friend of mine turned up and said "hey if it takes
3 people having sex to be a 3some and 2 people having sex to
be a twosome now I understand why everyone says you're
Handsome"
1 Comments, 39 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Birthday Barbie 5/14/2017
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his 's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How
much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?
We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina ...
2 Comments, 120 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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2 Black Eyes 5/12/2017
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His
boss asked what happened. The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church.
When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was
caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around
and punched me square in the eye." "Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss
asked.
"Well, " the man said, "I figured she ...
1 Comments, 90 Views,
14 Votes
,5.54 Score
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21st Century Newspaper 5/12/2017
I was visiting my last night when I asked if I could
borrow a newspaper. 'This is the 21st century, ' she said. 'We
don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!!!
0 Comments, 50 Views,
11 Votes
,5.78 Score
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Best joke 5/6/2017
Simple or clever? Are jokes like sex, which is better - simple
hard animalistic fucking or connecting with the mind?
3 Comments, 39 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Fly Swatter 5/3/2017
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting flies, ” he responded.
“Oh! Killing any?” she asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 females, ” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on ...
8 Comments, 125 Views,
22 Votes
,6.13 Score
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Blondes 5/3/2017
What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her forehead?
All you can eat for under a buck
Was do you call a blond that dies her hair brown?
Artificial Intelligence
What do you call 5 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel
3 Comments, 44 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Wife Singing 5/3/2017
A married woman starts singing, and sees her husband go
out the back door onto the deck... She goes to the back door, and ask him why do you go out on
the deck everytime I start singing??? Because I don't want
the neighbors to think I am beating you!!! lol...
3 Comments, 53 Views,
13 Votes
,5.66 Score
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Nymphomaniacs Convention 5/1/2017
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled
in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding
the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards
his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside
his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out,
" Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. " I'm
going to the ...
1 Comments, 168 Views,
12 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Marital Spat 4/30/2017
A guy was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious
argument the night before.
“But it ended, ” he said, “when she came crawling
to me on her hands and knees.”
“What did she say?” asked the friend.
The husband replied, “She said, ‘Come out from under
that bed, you coward!'”
0 Comments, 55 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Tiny House 4/30/2017
A social worker from a big city recently transferred to
an area of hills and valleys in the Appalachians and was
on her first tour of her new territory when she came upon
the tiniest cabin she ever had seen.
Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. “Anybody
home?” she asked.
“Yep, ” came a ’s voice through the door.
“If your father there?” asked the ...
3 Comments, 92 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Hunting Guide Lost 4/29/2017
A local hunting guide got himself into a big problem. His
party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they
blamed him for leading them astray.
“You told us you were the best guide in Colorado!” they
asserted.
“I am!” he said, “but I think we’re in Wyoming now.”
!!!
2 Comments, 57 Views,
13 Votes
,6.00 Score
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i guy walks into a bar 4/24/2017
Does anyone have any good jokes?
0 Comments, 24 Views,
0 Votes
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Cash Cow 4/20/2017
A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit a calf that was crossing
the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained
what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today, " said the Cowboy. "But
in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what
I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out
a check and handed it to the Cowboy. "Here, "
he ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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For Nascar Fans 4/20/2017
A man walks into a bar with his dog. A Sprint Cup race is on
a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt Jr is doing.
The bartender says "Earnhardts is in 25th".
The jumps up, and runs around the barstool 25 times.
A couple of laps later, the bartender says "Earnhardt
Jr is up to 10th". The jumps up again and runs around
the barstool 10 times. A few laps later, the bartender says
"Earnhardt Jr ...
2 Comments, 125 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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Miracle by genie from the bottle 4/18/2017
A couple that are both 60 years old were celebrating their
40th anniversary on the beautiful beaches of San Diego
when they spotted a bottle washed up on the shore. They opened
it, and a genie came out!
The genie offered to grant each of them a wish for releasing
him.
He asked the woman what she desired, and she said she would
love to be able to travel with her husband on a trip ...
3 Comments, 112 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
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Damn Fine Explanation 4/15/2017
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom
making love to a very attractive young woman and she was
upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother
of your ! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce
right away!'
The husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, love,
so at least I can tell you what happened.'
...
4 Comments, 189 Views,
19 Votes
,6.55 Score
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Doggy Style ??? 4/15/2017
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their
wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?"
asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's
more into the trick aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over
and plays dead."
1 Comments, 73 Views,
12 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Man Filing for Retirement 4/15/2017
A retired gentleman went to the social security office
to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's
license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized
he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was
very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
"I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, ...
1 Comments, 113 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Prostate Exam 4/15/2017
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment
of a prostate Exam 2 years ago, I decided to have my next exam with a new doctor. Where they claim to be more gentle and accommodating.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, the Doctor began the
examination.
I heard him say.. "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure
it's quite normal to get an erection, ...
1 Comments, 83 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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friends 4/14/2017
friends may come peter out you know but we will be friends through thick and thin peter out or peter in
0 Comments, 9 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Jokes 4/13/2017
It's Important to try make the best of. Every day and
keep urself laughing and keep your head held high
0 Comments, 18 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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What did he say! 4/11/2017
I was over at a good friend of mines house... We we're sitting there drinking a beer... and his 16 year old came walking in and said hey Dad Had my first Blow Job.............It made me smile And his Dad said alright..How was it???
His said it was good...does it always taste that bad!!!!!!
I just got up and left..
4 Comments, 80 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
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Tale of the Ring 4/10/2017
A balding, white haired man walked into a jeweler store
this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger
gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special
ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his
stock and brought out a $5, 000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more
special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his ...
4 Comments, 96 Views,
8 Votes
,5.80 Score
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Erection Problem 4/8/2017
A man walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was
the pharmacist and as she and her also single sister owned
the store, there were no males employed there. The woman pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional
and whatever it was that he needed to discuss. The man agreed
and began by saying, "This is tough for me ...
2 Comments, 88 Views,
10 Votes
,5.77 Score
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Sunburn 4/8/2017
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets
a horrible sunburn all over his body.
He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being
diagnosed with second degree burns on his legs.
He was starting to blister and in pain by the time the doctor
arrived. To help, the doctor prescribed an IV with saline
and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every ...
2 Comments, 93 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Gay at 15 ??? 4/8/2017
A student at school went in to see his counselor. He talked awhile and then broke it to him that he Was only 15 and gay... The counselor said you don't that for sure your only
15
He said oh yes I do..My Daddy was gay My Grandaddy Was gay and so was his father..
The counselor said...Damn ain't there anybody in
your Family that eats Pussy
He said yea my Sister!!!!!
1 Comments, 77 Views,
12 Votes
,6.51 Score
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work out regime!! 4/8/2017
My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that
i work out. So I listed the exercises i do every day: jump
to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my
luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward,
run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the
edge, and beat around the bush.
4 Comments, 40 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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The Last Kiss 4/6/2017
A group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding
east on 378 when they saw a longhaired girl about to jump
off the Pee Dee River Bridge. Naturally curious, they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his
Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing,
and says, "Hey Baby...whatcha doin' up ...
2 Comments, 89 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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A Variety 3/31/2017
I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business,
when this fat, ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind
and said, "You're kind'a cute. You gotta
phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer
misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches ...But when you're over sixty, who ...
3 Comments, 98 Views,
11 Votes
,5.97 Score
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divoce 3/31/2017
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents
forgot and so did my . I went to work and even my colleagues
didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office,
my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!"
I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch,
she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said,
"Do you ...
0 Comments, 91 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
|
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teacher 3/31/2017
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher
asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the
shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No,
two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny
asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
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It wasn't All his fault 3/31/2017
She sat the in bed, hair disheveled, naked, and continued
to give him an icy stare. She didn't need words to show just how livid she was.
"I'm sorry" he said to her, "But you
have to admit, perhaps you could have chosen a better SAFE-WORD
than "Harder!"
0 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
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It wasn't All his fault 3/31/2017
She sat the in bed, hair disheveled, naked, and continued
to give him an icy stare. She didn't need words to show just how livid she was.
"I'm sorry" he said to her, "But you
have to admit, perhaps you could have chosen a better SAFE-WORD
than "Harder!"
0 Comments, 11 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
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weather 3/30/2017
when the weather is hot and sticky that is no time for Dickie
dunking but when the frost is on the pumpkin then that is the time
dunking Dicky
0 Comments, 10 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
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weather 3/30/2017
when the weather is hot and sticky that is no time for Dickie
dunking but when the frost is on the pumpkin then that is the time
dunking Dicky
1 Comments, 11 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
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Dirty 3/28/2017
So there's a who thinks he's funny actually
hilarious makes the common to mama jokes and bullies with
jokes to his whole family. Well one day his mama challenges
him to a contest so she says you tell your best to mama joke
and I'm going to tell one and we see who's is the
best. The is puzzled so you want me too tell a joke about
big mama? His mom replies just tell the joke the agrees
but with ...
3 Comments, 88 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
|
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Never ate one myself 3/27/2017
When does a cub scout become a boy scout? When he eats his
first brownie. Yucky, boo boo.
1 Comments, 13 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
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laugh and get laid 3/23/2017
back in the day it used to be the humor of a guy that got him
laid now its like ooooo i need a mature feller eating my puss
lolol whats yas take on that
1 Comments, 14 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
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laugh and get laid 3/23/2017
back in the day it used to be the humor of a guy that got him
laid now its like ooooo i need a mature feller eating my puss
lolol whats yas take on that
1 Comments, 5 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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laugh and get laid 3/23/2017
back in the day it used to be the humor of a guy that got him
laid now its like ooooo i need a mature feller eating my puss
lolol whats yas take on that
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Lorania Bobbit 3/23/2017
Did you hear about Lorannia Bobit moving to Russia and changing
her name? To Lorannia Cuts your cock off!!
1 Comments, 11 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Wife and Husband's Best Friend 3/22/2017
Well a mans Wife and her Husband's Best Friend are laying
in her bed Breathing heavily and the sheets soaking wet..from wild
and passionate Sex... When the phone rings...she looks at the caller Id. and says
oh it's my husband.. Your not going to answer that are you...shhhh be quiet she
says..
He's barely breathing scared to death...she says
ok that sounds like fun.. Again tomorrow..ok ...
2 Comments, 134 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
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Massaging a Lawyer 3/22/2017
. A lawyer is standing in a long queue at the box office. Suddenly,
he feels a pair of hands massaging his shoulders, back,
and neck. The lawyer turns around and says, "What
the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping
in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well,
I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
2 Comments, 55 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
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Corporate translations 3/16/2017
Corporate translations --> Competitive salary: We
remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
Join our fast – paced company : We have no time to train
you and you will have to introduce yourself to your co - workers.
Seeking enthusiastic, fun, hard working people: who still
live with their parents and will not mind our internship
– level salaries. Casual work atmosphere: We do not ...
3 Comments, 53 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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must try ! 3/15/2017
Hello awesome Swapfinder.com -er,
Who is going to try this with their wife/GF/ or female boss
0 Comments, 87 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Bad Grandpa 3/13/2017
Grandpa got talked into watching his 5 year old grandson
one afternoon.. Half asleep on the couch when he says...Grandpa can I go
outside And play with Billy??? Go right ahead Grandpa says.. 5 minutes later he come back in ..says Grandpa.. What is it called when 2 people are in a bedroom and ones on
Top of the other????????
Half asleep he says your a little young for this..but its
called ...
2 Comments, 139 Views,
14 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Why men wear earrings 3/13/2017
Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with
men?
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker
is wearing an earring.
The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion
sense".
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a ...
2 Comments, 100 Views,
13 Votes
,5.83 Score
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Midgets 3/10/2017
When is it acceptable to kick a midget in the balls? When
he tells you that your wife's hair smells good!
2 Comments, 20 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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She's your Sister- 3/9/2017
A boy after graduation goes to his Dad and says he needs to
speak to him.. Dad I'm so in love with Becky that we are going to get
married.. said the Dad..when I was a younger man, I got around
with The ladies pretty good..and Becky is your sister you can't
marry her!!!
Broken hearted and dejected he finds another girlfriend..6
months later he Goes to Dad and says ok me and Cindy are in ...
4 Comments, 169 Views,
21 Votes
,6.10 Score
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Teacher to Class 3/9/2017
The teacher was describing the dolphin and its habits.
"And, , "she said impressively, "a
single dolphin will have two thousand offspring."
"Goodness!" gasped a little girl in the back
row. "And how about married ones?"
2 Comments, 61 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
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men 3/7/2017
After the marriage the bride put a box next to her bed and
told her husband never to open and check, what’s inside
of it. 40 years passed and the husband impatiently opened
the box and found there 3 empty bottles of beer and 14000$.
In the evening during the dinner he tells his wife: - Darling, I have to admit, I opened the box. Would you explain
why there are 3 bottles? - You see, whenever I ...
1 Comments, 92 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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anniversery 3/7/2017
A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary: - Darling, have you been unfaithful to me? - Yes, honey, three times. - When was the first time? - Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but
nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of
the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you. - Thanks, darling. And when was the second time? - Do you remember when you ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Home from work 3/3/2017
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair,
turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring
me a beer before it starts" She looked a little puzzled,
but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick,
bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This
time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When
it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before
it ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Visit to the doctors 3/3/2017
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband
is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but
warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her
to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night,
she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the
doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Visit to the doctors 3/3/2017
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband
is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but
warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her
to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night,
she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the
doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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" Larger Breasts " 3/2/2017
A woman showes up at her Dr.'s office requesting larger
breasts. The Dr. explaines the different options for breast
augmentaion, implants and the such. "No surgery"
she says. Anything but the surgery. There must be another
way. There is says the Dr. But you must be very dillagent
in the process. Each day, three times. once in the morning,
again around mid-day and once more before bed, I want ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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"THE COMA" 3/1/2017
A woman lay in the hospital bed. She has been in a coma for
two months, with little hope of any change. The nurses noticed
while bathing her that when they washed her privat areas,
she responded some. Her eyes moved, an ever so slight slight
smile. They reported what they had noticed to her Dr.. He
consulted with other Dr's and they called the husband
in explaining what the nurses had found and ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Why did the chicken cross the road? 3/1/2017
To get to the other side!
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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On the beach 2/27/2017
Two fleas met on the beach in Cuba , one of them had a terrible
flu. "What happened to to you" asked his friend.
"I came down on the moustache of a man on a motorcycle"
"look, next year you go to the airport, get on a toilet
seat in the stewardesses' lounge, and you'll
have a have a nice soft warm ride down." "Sounds
good, " wheezed the flea I'll try it." The next winter the two fleas met on the ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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CHICAGO 2/26/2017
I was in Macon Ga. the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on
a parked car that read:
"I miss Chicago ."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the
tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that
read, "I hope this helps.”
1 Comments, 63 Views,
18 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Be careful with this one 2/26/2017
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband:
"ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that
mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute,
delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife:
"Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband:
... "I'm just kidding!"
1 Comments, 59 Views,
17 Votes
,5.81 Score
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SCAM ALERT 2/26/2017
Just got scammed out of $25.
Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".
Turns out it's all about golf.
Absolute waste of money!
Pass this on so others don't get scammed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol.
1 Comments, 29 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
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Little Bruce 2/21/2017
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know
they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get
married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him
for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith,
me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in
marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith
replies, ...
2 Comments, 140 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Bathtub Test 2/19/2017
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director
how do You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
'Well, ' said the Director, 'we fill up a
bathtub, then we offer a Teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him
or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand, ' I said. 'A norm al person
would ask for the bucket..
No a ...
4 Comments, 133 Views,
24 Votes
,5.40 Score
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Big Trouble 2/19/2017
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces.
Which ...
5 Comments, 119 Views,
15 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Firetruck 2/19/2017
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station
when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon
with little ladders hung off the sides & a garden hose
tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon
was being pulled by her dog & her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That
sure is a nice fire ...
2 Comments, 119 Views,
22 Votes
,5.05 Score
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|
Orgasm Problem 2/19/2017
Woman goes to her doctor...And says “Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm!” .
Doctor says...“Are you doing anything for it?” “
Yea Snorting pepper.”
1 Comments, 54 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score
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|
War Wounds 2/18/2017
There was a soldier in Nam that was famous for his socializing.
After about a year, he noticed a problem with his friend
and went in for a checkup. They had never seen anything quite
like the problem he had, but treated him with the usual meds
for social diseases. After the usual amount of time, they
noticed that the problem had not gone away, but had gotten
worse. They decided to send him to a ...
0 Comments, 97 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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Math 2/17/2017
Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter
in a girl’s name is?
Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please
tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Me: What is a vowel?
Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh
…
Me: Close enough.
0 Comments, 46 Views,
11 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Birthday 2/17/2017
A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the
pavement crying his eyes out.
‘What’s the matter?’ she asked. ‘It’s my birthday!’
he hollered.
‘And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon
there’s to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday
cake and a disco afterwards. . .’ and he had to stop talking
because he was crying so hard. ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Gold Medalist 2/17/2017
Three women were sitting around talking about their sex
lives.
The first said, “I think my husband’s like a championship
golfer.
He’s spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke.”
The second woman said, “My husband’s like the winner
of the Indy 500.
Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting
laps.”
The ...
0 Comments, 74 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
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Blow job 2/17/2017
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?”
The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have
ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful
woman who gave it to me.”
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile
on her face.
Her maid of honour asks, ...
0 Comments, 67 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
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Blow job 2/17/2017
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?”
The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have
ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful
woman who gave it to me.”
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile
on her face.
Her maid of honour asks, ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
|
The Bet 2/17/2017
Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided
to bet it’s other 100 euros who is going to make their wives
scream more from sex.
So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make
them scream. The next day the meet.
The Italian says, “I made love to my wife for 2 hours and
she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours.”
The German says, ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
|
Adult 2/17/2017
Gordon Brown was lookin for a lady of the night.
He found a girl in a local pub.
He said: “I’m Prime minister of England, how much would
it cost me to spend time with you …?”
Her reply: “Mr prime minister, if you can get my skirt
as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, your dick
as hard as the times we’re living in and keep it rising
like the price ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Adult 2/17/2017
Gordon Brown was lookin for a lady of the night.
He found a girl in a local pub.
He said: “I’m Prime minister of England, how much would
it cost me to spend time with you …?”
Her reply: “Mr prime minister, if you can get my skirt
as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, your dick
as hard as the times we’re living in and keep it rising
like the price ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
!!! 2/17/2017
A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking.
He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely
drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone,
so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.
Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands
flat on his rear end. That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that he had couple
of ...
0 Comments, 57 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Blonde 2/17/2017
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.
1 Comments, 8 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
|
Interview!!!! 2/17/2017
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources
Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary
are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In
the region of $125, 000 a year, depending on the benefits
package." The interviewer inquires, "Well,
what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14
paid holidays, full ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Blonde 2/17/2017
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their
bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market
and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I
will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and
finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes
to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs ...
1 Comments, 55 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
Lil Johnny 2/17/2017
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and
another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two
cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would
you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave
you two apples, and another two apples and another two,
how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
Evolution 2/17/2017
A asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then
their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The then went to his mother, asked her the same question
and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved
to become like we are now." The ran back to his
father and said, "You lied to me!" His father
replied, "No, your mom was talking about ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Fat cow!!!!! 2/17/2017
Teacher: ", what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat & eggs!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
1 Comments, 12 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
Blonde 2/17/2017
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were
all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles
away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore
she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam
24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got
tired, and swam back.
1 Comments, 21 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Blonde 2/17/2017
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were
all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles
away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore
she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam
24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got
tired, and swam back.
0 Comments, 9 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Imagration 2/13/2017
2/3 of Donnald Trumps wives have been imagrents. That just
supports the idea that we need imagrents. To to the jobs
that Americans won't do.
1 Comments, 32 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
|
|
Jokes 2/13/2017
I have no good jokes to tell
1 Comments, 9 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Did you hear the one about? 2/3/2017
I usually know a 1000 jokes but can not think of one. haha
0 Comments, 10 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
My fav. Blonde joke 2/2/2017
. A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna
hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before
you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender
IS blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall
blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a
blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player.
The fella to your right is 6' 5" ...
2 Comments, 143 Views,
18 Votes
,5.58 Score
|
|
Who's the thief?? 2/1/2017
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give
me your money."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You
cannot do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"
3 Comments, 66 Views,
17 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Alabama Farmer 2/1/2017
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each
arm?
A .
ROLL TIDE I LOVE THEM...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
Relatives??? 2/1/2017
Ernie asks Joe, "If I slept with your wife and had a
would that make us related?"
Joe says to Ernie, "No but it would make us even."
1 Comments, 56 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score
|
|
You know what isn't funny? 1/31/2017
Sitting in your apartment, hearing your neighbors fucking like back door porn stars. Your partner playing video games. And your on the web instead of getting fucked like a porn star and your clit played with like a ps3 joy stick.
0 Comments, 32 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
|
|
You know what isn't funny? 1/31/2017
Sitting in your apartment, hearing your neighbors fucking like back door porn stars. Your partner playing video games. And your on the web instead of getting fucked like a porn star and your clit played with like a ps3 joy stick.
3 Comments, 34 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
penis like a chimney!!! 1/24/2017
A redneck went to the hospital, as his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse said to him. “Congratulations, your wife has had quintruples, five
big baby boys." The redneck said, "Well, I'm not surprised.
I have a penis on me like a fucking chimney." The nurse replied, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They’re all black
3 Comments, 74 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
|
|
Golf 1/22/2017
Two doctors were putting on the ninth green when one collapsed from a heart attack. "Help me, " he groaned to his companion. "Sorry, my malpractice insurance won't cover
it, " his partner replied, walking off the green,
"but I'll get help." A few minutes later, he returned, picked up his club and began lining up hit putt. The man on the ground raised his head and screamed in Disbelief, "I'm dying ...
4 Comments, 129 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
|
|
Funny joke 1/20/2017
Who else loves this joke ?
1 Comments, 41 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Furniture 1/20/2017
Man walks into a greengrocers and asks whether he has any
empty orange boxes as he wants to make furniture from them.
"Yes of course I do. There is a pile there . Take your
pick."
man checks the boxes & there are none that fit what he
wants. He then asks the grocer " Do you have any blood
orange boxes?"
" Sorry none of them at all. Why blood orange boxes
particularly?" ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
|
|
Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? 1/19/2017
Because his pecker is on his head
2 Comments, 7 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? 1/19/2017
Because his pecker is on his head
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
...payback... 1/16/2017
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father,
surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through
three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons,
round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still
nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...
3 Comments, 98 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
|
|
...always these questions... 1/16/2017
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come
from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well
dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night
they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That
means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s ...
3 Comments, 124 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
|
|
Little Johnny....again 1/15/2017
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor'
that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done.”
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator"
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That
is a big word, but it doesn't eat ...
4 Comments, 131 Views,
14 Votes
,4.74 Score
|
|
Elks 1/14/2017
Two Norwegians are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did
you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"
"Aww, shit!" says his friend, "and I just
joined the Knights of Columbus!"
0 Comments, 36 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
Just Like Frank 1/14/2017
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going
by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect
timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything
right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed
a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every
single time."
Passenger: "There are ...
3 Comments, 115 Views,
13 Votes
,4.65 Score
|
|
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? 1/14/2017
A carrot .......
0 Comments, 13 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
German girl 1/14/2017
Ten guys are gangbanging a German girl who then yells, 'Nein,
nein!'. So one gets up and leaves.
0 Comments, 39 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Circus 1/14/2017
Did you hear about the circus orgy? It was fucking in tents!
1 Comments, 6 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Beans 1/14/2017
What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and
a chickpea?
I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
0 Comments, 6 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Joke 1/13/2017
Did you hear about the man with the 5 penises?
..... His pants fit him like a glove!!!!
0 Comments, 10 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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A joke 1/13/2017
Why do lesbians only shop at Sports Authority?
....... They don't like Dicks
1 Comments, 10 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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An age old question 1/13/2017
Which came first: the chicken or the egg?
Neither; the rooster came first.
0 Comments, 3 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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...insurance... 1/10/2017
The Queen visits a new hospital... She is shown around first by a nurse so she can inspect the
facilities.
On her way, she hears orgasmic groans coming from a nearby
room.
She goes to the room to investigate and, upon arriving,
finds that a man is masturbating on the bed.
She asks the nurse "Why is that man doing that?"
The nurse replies "Oh, he's got to ...
4 Comments, 96 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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Even more funny ones 1/9/2017
Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job? A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What do you call a guy who cries while he masturbates?
A: A tearjerker.
Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse? A: She's the one with the dirty knees.
Q: Which of the following words does not belong: meat, eggs,
wife, blowjob. A: Blowjob. You can beat your ...
2 Comments, 32 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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More funny ones 1/9/2017
Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blowjob!
Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
0 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Hair 1/8/2017
Their is no justice in this world as you have lee hair to comb
you have more face to wash
1 Comments, 12 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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old men 1/8/2017
what is the difference between a sexy senior citizen and
a dirty old man?
There is none
2 Comments, 27 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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old men 1/8/2017
what is the difference between a sexy senior citizen and
a dirty old man?
There is none
0 Comments, 6 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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old men 1/8/2017
what is the difference between a sexy senior citizen and
a dirty old man?
There is none
0 Comments, 5 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
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old men 1/8/2017
what is the difference between a sexy senior citizen and
a dirty old man?
There is none
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Dogs and Puppies 1/7/2017
A little boy and his mother are at the airport going to see
his grandmother. The little boy is looking out the window
and turns to his mom and says " mommy is cows have calves
and dogs have puppies how come planes dont that little planes"
His mother says " I dont know, you will have to ask the
stewardess when we get to our seats".
They board the plane and get to their seats and the ...
3 Comments, 164 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Funny 1/6/2017
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re
nuts.
2 Comments, 12 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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redneck vacation 1/6/2017
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy
Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout
ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it
a little different. The last few years, I took your advice
about where to go. THREE YEARS AGO, YOU SAID TO GO TO HAWAII. I WENT TO HAWAII
AND EARLENE GOT PREGNANT. THEN TWO YEARS AGO, YOU TOLD ME TO GO TO THE BAHAMAS, AND EARLENE
GOT ...
5 Comments, 102 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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hmmm 1/5/2017
hmmmmmm boring
0 Comments, 7 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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on the edge 1/5/2017
A guy is hiking up a mountain when he sees a girl standing
at the edge of a cliff, crying. "Hey, " he says,
"if you're going to jump, how about giving me
a blow job before you do it?" "My life's
been nothing but crap, " says the girl. "So
I might as well." After the girl's done, the guy
says, "Wow, that was great! Why are you so depressed,
anyway?" The girl replies, "My family disowned
me for ...
4 Comments, 81 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Three Golfers 1/2/2017
Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.
Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course
they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all
welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there
is only one rule:
"Don't hit the ducks during your first three
months here."
The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them ...
7 Comments, 142 Views,
20 Votes
,5.81 Score
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Hurricanes 1/2/2017
Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go
they take your house and car with them
5 Comments, 30 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
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Little Billy 1/1/2017
One Wednesday, little Billy went to school. The teacher
said, "For the next three days, I will be asking a trivia
question, if anyone answers any of them correctly, they
won't have to come to school on Monday.
The first question was, "How many grains of sand are
on all the world's beaches?" No one knew, not
even little Billy. Suddenly, a paper airplane flew across
the room. "Okay, " said ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
|
G-spot and a golf ball 1/1/2017
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
1 Comments, 11 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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A DEA Officer... 1/1/2017
..stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch
for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field
over there, " as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister,
I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."
Reaching into his rear pants ...
2 Comments, 100 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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A Blonde and Snow 1/1/2017
One winter morning in Syracuse a husband and his blonde
wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They
heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to
10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered
side of the street, so the snowplows can get through...
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, ...
2 Comments, 111 Views,
13 Votes
,6.16 Score
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3 to think about 1/1/2017
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways
and put our useless junk in the garage?
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery?’
2 Comments, 35 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Think About It 1/1/2017
Why do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front?
2 Comments, 32 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
|
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The Priest's Question 12/31/2016
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and
ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday
morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered
that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the
village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody
got a cock?
All the men stood up. ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
|
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BIGGER AND BETTER IN TEXAS 12/31/2016
There was a very self-sufficient blind man, who did a lot
of traveling alone. He was making his first trip to Texas
and happened to be seated next to a Texan on the flight. The Texan spent a lot of time telling him how everything
is bigger and better in Texas. By the time the blind man had
reached his destination, a large resort hotel, he was very
excited about being in Texas. The long trip had ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
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What to do when a girl smells 12/30/2016
Get on with jt
0 Comments, 19 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
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Space man dickhead 12/29/2016
What the spaceman say to his dick ? Hey stop spacing out dick
0 Comments, 13 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
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...a stroll through the woods... 12/27/2016
Three friends stroll through the woods - suddenly a man
appears between the trees looking exactly like Jesus...
the first one approaches the man and asks - "are you
Jesus"? And the man responds YES - can I help you my
?
Yes the First one says - I have terrible pain in my elbow.
So Jesus lays his hand on the elbow and the man is healed!!!
The Second one encouraged limps ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
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and another Blondie joke 12/22/2016
Two blonds standing naked in front of a mirror checking
each other out...the one suddenly says - Hey - you ve got
black hair down there...the other responds with a smile
- You think I am stupid everywhere?....
0 Comments, 47 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
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permanent erection 12/21/2016
A man walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was
the pharmacist and as she and her also single sister owned
the store, there were no males employed there. The woman pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional
and whatever it was that he needed to discuss. The man agreed
and began by saying, "This is tough for me ...
2 Comments, 82 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
|
|
presidential wives 12/21/2016
The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking
together about how a penis is called in their language.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman,
because it stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot,
because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on
the back side.
The ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
|
|
robot 12/21/2016
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they
lie. He decides to test it at dinner. ", where were
you today?" The says "at school dad."
Robot slaps the ! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends
house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story."
Robot slaps the again! "Ok, it was a porno"
cries the . "What! When I was your age I didn't
know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs ...
2 Comments, 71 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
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other hand 12/21/2016
Clever Teacher
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for
you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death
in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever."
A smart ass guy in the ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
latex gloves 12/21/2016
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady,
was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put
on his gloves. "Do you know how they make these gloves?"
he asked. "No, I don't." "Well, "
he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with
a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to
the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off
the gloves and throw ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
|
|
real kings 12/21/2016
Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great
kings who have brought always happiness and peace into
people's lives?"
Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
0 Comments, 19 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
speech problem 12/21/2016
Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at
the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer
me honestly?" "Yeah, sure thing, " replied his friend, "fire
away." "Well, " said the first guy, "why do you
think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment,
" replied the second guy. ...
0 Comments, 57 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
rooster n cat 12/21/2016
There was a rooster and a cat walking by the pool, the cat
fell in and the rooster fell to the ground laughing....
Moral of the story...
Where there is a wet pussy there is a happy cock!!!
0 Comments, 11 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
7 kinds of sex 12/21/2016
SEVEN KINDS OF SEX The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet Someone and you both have sex until you are Blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have Sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex. ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
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Jokes 12/21/2016
do you guys have any good jokes
1 Comments, 8 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
...Holiday Season Joke 12/18/2016
..2 Blondes are chatting about the Holidays...the first
one goes "Did you know Christmas is on a Friday this
year?"...the other one a little scared " Well
hopefully it is not Friday the 13th...!!!"
0 Comments, 30 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
I love blonde jokes 2 12/17/2016
Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor,
what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch!
It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I
touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch!
it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your
finger is broken."
2 Comments, 46 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
I love blonde jokes 12/17/2016
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her
ears burnt. The doctor ask's her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit
the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead
of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what
about the other." "The bastard called again"
2 Comments, 40 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
Indian on horseback 12/15/2016
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of
Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback
came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed
up behind him on the and they rode off. The ride was
uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would
let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed
from the surrounding hills and canyon ...
2 Comments, 138 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
Ornaments 12/11/2016
Do you know why ornaments are addicted to christmas?
They are hooked on trees
1 Comments, 14 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
It's a Joke 2 12/8/2016
Its important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans
and has a job. Its important to have a woman who can make you laugh. Its important to have a woman you can trust and who would
never lie. Its important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes
being with you. Its absolutely important that these four women never meet.
3 Comments, 46 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
|
|
It's a Joke 12/8/2016
A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.
It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted
cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine
tucked under his arm.
Salesman: "Hello . Is your mom or dad home ?"
Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?"
1 Comments, 63 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
|
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A Love Story 12/3/2016
A man was lying in bed with his new girl friend. After having
great sex she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles.
This was something he loved having done.
As he was enjoying it he turned to her and asked, “Why do
you like doing this so much?”
She replied, “Because I miss mine so much!”
I TOLD YOU IT WAS A LOVE STORY!!!!
2 Comments, 59 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
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Advice for an old guy.... 12/3/2016
He was working out at the gym when he spotted a sweet young
thing walking in....
He asked the trainer standing next to him, "What machine
should I use to impress that lady over there?"
The trainer looked him over and said; "I would recommend
the ATM in the lobby."
2 Comments, 52 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
a little humor 11/30/2016
A man is working a a dildo store, when a brunette walks in.
She asks him how much for the black dildo? He replies $50
for the black one, $50 for the white one. She leaves without
purchasing anything. A red head walks in and asks him how
much for the white dildo? He replies $50 for the white one,
$50 for the black one. she doesn't buy anything. A blonde
enters the store and asks him how much for a ...
1 Comments, 129 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
Oldie but a goodie.... 11/23/2016
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other
in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed,
took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered
for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the
woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and
then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman ...
9 Comments, 277 Views,
34 Votes
,6.74 Score
|
|
Tree or a bush...???? 11/18/2016
What's the difference between a genealogist and a
gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist
looks up the family bush.....
2 Comments, 40 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
|
|
Glazed donuts...???... 11/18/2016
Q: Who's the most popular male at a nudist colony?
A: The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
doughnuts.....
2 Comments, 30 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
|
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Ah....Oh....!!!... 11/17/2016
The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped
men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What
the hell, I'll try it, " He spent the rest of the
day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his
wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about
the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley,
but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized ...
3 Comments, 157 Views,
16 Votes
,5.04 Score
|
|
Buzzzzzz..... 11/17/2016
SEX JOKESSUBMIT A JOKE!
Category
A guy takes his girlfriend to his bedroom, drops his pants,
and says, "Meet my little brother." The girlfriend
picks up her purse on the way out and says, "Call me
when he grows up."
dkfg
285 64
Q: Why is Cinderella still a virgin? A: Because she runs away from all the balls.
cool boi
281 97 ...
2 Comments, 62 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
|
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The Test 11/14/2016
I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where
the Pharmacists’ high counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon,
and set them up on the counter.
The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could
help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this
for me?"
Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along. He
took the ...
2 Comments, 166 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score
|
|
laugh 11/13/2016
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex!
Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629.
2 Comments, 69 Views,
12 Votes
,2.80 Score
|
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Nantucket 11/9/2016
There once was a man from Nantucket who's dick was so
long he could suck it. He smiled with a grin ad he looks down
his chin. If his ear was a cunt he would fuck it.
2 Comments, 26 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
|
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Life 11/9/2016
Life is like a bag of weed u get wat u paid for.
0 Comments, 14 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Funny haha 11/9/2016
I'm not racist but joke is lol. A black guy walks down
the beach where he comes across a magic lamp. So he rubs.
Sure enough a genie popped out. But since the genie is racist
he tells the man u can have two instead of 3 wishes. The man
thought fora second and snapped his fingers I got it. I wish
I was white an surrounded by pussy an the genie went bam an
turned him into a tampon lol. Not racist ...
1 Comments, 43 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
|
|
Funny haha 11/9/2016
I'm not racist but joke is lol. A black guy walks down
the beach where he comes across a magic lamp. So he rubs.
Sure enough a genie popped out. But since the genie is racist
he tells the man u can have two instead of 3 wishes. The man
thought fora second and snapped his fingers I got it. I wish
I was white an surrounded by pussy an the genie went bam an
turned him into a tampon lol. Not racist ...
2 Comments, 25 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
A Penis Study 11/8/2016
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head
of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one
year and $180, 000.00, they concluded that the reason
the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more
pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford
decided to do their own study. After three years of research
and $250, 000.00, they concluded that the reason ...
0 Comments, 114 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
|
|
the gr8 rulers 10/24/2016
The 3 kings that still rule this world since eternity:
1. Suc KING (sucking)
2. Lic KING (licking)
3. Fuc KING (fucking) no one can dethrone them....lol
1 Comments, 24 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
Nuns and the bus 10/23/2016
A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive
at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says
to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I
will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may
do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please
form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter
turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her ...
2 Comments, 151 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
|
|
Jokes 10/22/2016
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old were
having
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings
and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.
“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral, ”
I said.
“No, ” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider,
so it’ll cover three holes in
our wall.”
0 Comments, 70 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
smart !! 10/21/2016
mother: "... who is the 40th president of America?"
: " I dont know mom."
Mother: " its Sir Ronald Regan ....(after consfiscating
the new game console)you have to put away the games and concentrate
on your studies"
30 minutes later ,
: " mom, i have a question for you?"
Mom: " what is it ?"
: " who is Ms. Betty Winkler?"
Mom: " i dont ...
2 Comments, 163 Views,
14 Votes
,4.10 Score
|
|
Another vote for the Don 10/14/2016
Monica Lowinski is voting for Trump. She said the last Clinton
in office left a bad taste in her mouth.
3 Comments, 49 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
|
|
Spanish Magician 10/14/2016
A Spanish magician was ending his show and said, "On
the count of three I will disappear. Uno, dos -" then
*poof!* he disappeared without a tres.
3 Comments, 84 Views,
15 Votes
,3.44 Score
|
|
Presidentsn Penis 10/12/2016
The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking
together about how a penis is called in their language.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman,
because it stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot,
because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on
the back side.
The ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
|
|
kings n happiness 10/12/2016
Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great
kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's
lives?"
Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
1 Comments, 45 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
|
|
speech problem 10/12/2016
Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at
the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer
me honestly?" "Yeah, sure thing, " replied his friend, "fire
away." "Well, " said the first guy, "why do you
think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment,
" replied the second guy. ...
3 Comments, 132 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
permanent erection 10/12/2016
A man walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was
the pharmacist and as she and her also single sister owned
the store, there were no males employed there. The woman pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional
and whatever it was that he needed to discuss. The man agreed
and began by saying, "This is tough for me ...
2 Comments, 131 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
|
|
Japanese Pussy Hair 10/12/2016
Q: Did you hear that Japanese girls only have hair on one
side of their pussy? A: Yeah, on the outSIDE
2 Comments, 27 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
a few good oneliners 10/11/2016
Why did God create orgasms? So women can moan even when they're happy.
Do you know why women fake orgasms? Because men fake foreplay.
What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care.
Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.
1 Comments, 36 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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a few good oneliners 10/11/2016
Why did God create orgasms? So women can moan even when they're happy.
Do you know why women fake orgasms? Because men fake foreplay.
What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care.
Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.
1 Comments, 12 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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a little funny for the day 10/11/2016
Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm
were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting
weights. One day, all the other sperms asked him, "Why
don't you just swim around like us?" Bob replied,
with a smirk, "Well, when the time comes, I'm
gonna be the first one there." The others told him
it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day
finally came when ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
|
|
Is this joke funny? 10/8/2016
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,
"I want to open a fuckin' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what
did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin'
checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind
of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager
and told ...
1 Comments, 130 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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the lost opportunity 10/5/2016
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm
129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,
‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ ...
1 Comments, 139 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
|
|
newly married couple humour 10/5/2016
The wife tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin
and I don’t know anything about Love. Can you explain
it to me first?”
“OK, Sweetheart, putting it simply, we will call your
private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing
‘the prisoner’.
So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time. ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
|
|
golf joke 10/3/2016
Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at
the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay
off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned
it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're
father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"
the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs."
the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
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Joke 10/2/2016
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork???!!!"
1 Comments, 36 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Squirll problems at places of worship 9/29/2016
There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town:
a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church,
a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and
the synagogue had a problem with squirrels.
The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what
to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration
they determined the squirrels were predestined ...
1 Comments, 98 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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|
lipstick on his shorts 9/29/2016
Last week I was sitting at the bar of our local VFW , there
was a lady sitting across the other side of the bar from me
with dark red lipstick, she chewed gum and drank her beer
same time. There happened to be an elderly man sitting beside
me, he was a funny ole guy always making fun of someone. He
said real loud to the lipstick lady, Baby I'd love for
you to put a lipstick ring around my ...
0 Comments, 129 Views,
8 Votes
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Autopsy professor 9/26/2016
An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture
to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed
the class. 'There are two things you need to make a career
in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.'
Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's
anus and licked it. 'Now you must do the same, '
he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, ...
3 Comments, 97 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
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Tale of the Flying Dildo 9/25/2016
I just posted this in the advice column, I figured I'd
repost it here where it belongs.
Tale of the Flying Dildo.
Once upon a time: A horny young lady on a budget was in a Sex
Shop searching for a toy. The salesperson showed her a deeply
discounted yet powerful and vigorous dildo, it was priced
very low. Yet this model worked on voice command. It had
the ability to come out of ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
|
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....good advice... 9/23/2016
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had
been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her
beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law
was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally
was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was
near me, and I always got more than a nice view. ...
2 Comments, 129 Views,
13 Votes
,6.00 Score
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...at the pool... 9/22/2016
two guys, a white one and a black guy sitting naked at the
edge of a pool and let their "best friends" hang
in the water while sunbathing...after a while the white
one says: " The water has 82 F""...silence...shortly
thereafter the black dude says :" and the pool is 20
inches deep..." lmao...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
|
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My Granddaughter 9/21/2016
I’m 65 years old. My wife died of cancer three years ago.
I went into a deep depression. Nothing, and nobody, could
get me out of it. It lasted two years. One day I woke up and
said this is BS. I got up and showered and shaved. I got dressed
in good clothes for the first time in two years and left the
house.
I wandered around town looking at all the changes of the
last two years. ...
1 Comments, 292 Views,
15 Votes
,4.36 Score
|
|
I won the lottery .... 9/20/2016
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts:
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery, I won the
lottery!"
The wife says: "Honey, I don't understand. Slow
down, I did not hear you clearly"
He says: " I won the lottery, I won the lottery...start
packing!"
The wife says: "Wow! That's great! Should I pack
for the ocean, or should I pack for the snow?" ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
|
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Free Meat 9/20/2016
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young
woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop
and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and
asked what was he going to do about it? Finally, he offered
to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one
day the , who had been ...
1 Comments, 108 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
At the Bar 9/18/2016
“Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in,
staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle,
shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the
drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same
guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was ...
3 Comments, 98 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
|
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inches!! 9/18/2016
you know the look!, yea..." the look", I am referring
to the look ok your face whilst having sex with someone for
the first time and you hear the moan and groans , yes baby!
yes!! baby...fuck me harder!!, , deeper, deeper baby, !!!
then you look down .......and you realise that you are all
out of" INCHES"!!!
2 Comments, 66 Views,
13 Votes
,3.48 Score
|
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Sneak Home 9/17/2016
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one
turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't
know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've
been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get
to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the
stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed ...
2 Comments, 90 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
|
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Life is like a box of choclates!! 9/17/2016
Forrest Gump once said "Life is like a box of choclates,
you never know what your gonna get"...BOLLOCKS -
Life's like Oral SEX, One slip of the tongue your in
the Shit..
1 Comments, 22 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
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Family Dinner Conversation! 9/16/2016
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father,
surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through
three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons,
round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still
nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
|
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Watch 9/15/2016
I have two sexy lesbian close friends and for my birthday
they got me a Rolex. Its great at telling the time but I don't think they
understood what I meant when I said "I wanted to watch!"
1 Comments, 32 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
|
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Ski Lodge 9/14/2016
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms,
so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the
guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid
dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes
up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too. Then
the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny,
I dreamed I was skiing!”
1 Comments, 38 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
|
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Local Ad 9/14/2016
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking
for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up,
won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days
later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms
so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won’t run away.”
“What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman
retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, ...
2 Comments, 36 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
Why did I get divorced? 9/12/2016
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents
forgot and so did my . I went to work and even my colleagues
didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office,
my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!"
I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch,
she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said,
"Do you ...
3 Comments, 120 Views,
12 Votes
,4.57 Score
|
|
Sounds 9/11/2016
How do you classify women based on the sounds they make during
sex?
- There are the sopranos who say "Ahh.. Ahh... Ahhh..."
- The mezzo-sopranos saying "Ohhh... oohh... oohhh..."
- The Contraltos yelling "Uhh.. Uhh... Uhhh..."
- The opera singers who cover all three above and make sure
the whole neighborhood knows you are doing her. - The positives screaming "Yes... Yess... Yess..."
- ...
2 Comments, 48 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
|
|
gay jokes 9/9/2016
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a bar stool ? turn the stool over.
why do gay guys used ribbed condoms ? for traction in the mud
what do u call a gay guys ball sack ? mud flaps
1 Comments, 21 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
gay jokes 9/9/2016
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a bar stool ? turn the stool over.
why do gay guys used ribbed condoms ? for traction in the mud
what do u call a gay guys ball sack ? mud flaps
0 Comments, 12 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? 9/6/2016
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on
your face.
2 Comments, 32 Views,
8 Votes
,0.70 Score
|
|
rude joke 9/5/2016
How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
1 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
Have You Seen Ilene? 9/5/2016
This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender
looks at the guy and says, "Have you seen Ilene?"
The guy is rather confused and asks, "Ilene who?"
The bartender replies, "I lean over and you kiss my
ass."
Well the man was offended by this and walks out the door and
into the bar across the street. So he sits down and orders
a beer. While he is drinking his beer he ...
1 Comments, 100 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
Performance 9/5/2016
This old man goes to the doctor and says:
"Doc, you've got to do something. I cannot perform
as I could when I was younger."
"What do you mean?" - asks the doctor.
"The first goes just fine. Then the second, I get tired.
But I simply cannot continue after the third." - the
old man complains.
"Well, in your age three is quite a good performance,
I would say. Why ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Confession 9/5/2016
Old Kohn, goes to the confession in the church of a small
town. He kneels down and says:
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned." - he starts.
"Is that you Mr. Kohn?" - asks the father.
"Yes, but I'm here to confess. So forgive me Father
for I have sinned."
"Well... OK... I guess... What's your sin my
?" - asks the father confused.
"As you know father, I ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
M&M joke 9/2/2016
Three guys die in a car crash a white guy, a mexican and a black
man. Before they get to heaven the devil has to get a shot
at them so he stops them and says "hey i am going to grab
on to each of your dicks and if it melts you go to hell"
They all look at each other and shrug their shoulders thinking
fair enough. The white guy puffs out his chest and says "give it
your best shot" The devil ...
1 Comments, 93 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
Future 9/2/2016
Little Johnny and little Suzy playing in the swimming pool.
Little Johnny looks at Suzy and says: "Nananaaaa... You don't have this thing between
your leeeegs..." "Nananaaaa... Mommy said, when I grow up, I can have
as many as I waaant..." - she comes back.
0 Comments, 47 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
words!!! 9/1/2016
a husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use per day....30000 to a man's 15000.
The wife replied. "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men".
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
1 Comments, 42 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
Add your sex joke 9/1/2016
sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner.
You better have a good hand!
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
The NHL 9/1/2016
NHL is the real joke and not even a real sport !!!
0 Comments, 5 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Profiles 9/1/2016
A few guys in here - disguises themselves as women- please
take precautions .
When they Ask for Photos of your asshole.... Beware.
0 Comments, 15 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
|
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? 8/31/2016
Lickalotapus.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
adult jokes 8/28/2016
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
|
|
Meow 8/26/2016
A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much
that she began to rub it vigorously until... ...the pussy
cried "Meow" and runs away.
Moral Lessons 1. Be kind to Animals 2. Always keep your thoughts clean...
1 Comments, 25 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
overly used joke 8/23/2016
whats the difference between 69 and 6.9?
a great thing fucked up by a period
5 Comments, 37 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
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My Favorite Animal 8/23/2016
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said,
"Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny; but she couldn't have
been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried
chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened,
and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said
they love animals very much.
I do, ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
|
|
Swallow 8/23/2016
Do any men taste their own cum? Swallow it?
3 Comments, 41 Views,
8 Votes
|
|
trump!! 8/21/2016
Me: There are 3 Mexican roosters on one side of the street
how many legs do they have? Trump: 6 Me: how many wings? Trump: 6 Me: how many eyes? Trump: 6 Me: Ok, There are 3 white cats on the other side of the street
how many eyes do they have? Trump: 6 Me: How many ears do they have? Trump: 6 Me: How many whiskers do they have? Trump: I don't fucking know. Me: Seems like you know more ...
4 Comments, 104 Views,
19 Votes
,4.84 Score
|
|
Know the Right Word 8/20/2016
A man goes to the doctor's and says, “I would I like
to get castrated". The doctor tries to convince him
but the man won't listen. All he keeps on saying is,
"I want to get castrated! I want to get castrated!
I want to get castrated!”
The doctor says, "Your life will be changed after
this operation. Do you still want to go ahead?"
“Yes!"
After a few hours the man ...
2 Comments, 105 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
Headache 8/18/2016
So this guy comes out of the bathroom, full monty with obvious
signs of wanting to have some kinky-time. His wife looks
at her and says:
"Nooo, Honey... I have a headache."
"No worries, darling. I just put some Aspirin on the
tip of it, so now you can decide if you want to take it as a pill,
or a suppository..."
1 Comments, 50 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
|
|
Hunter 8/17/2016
This hunter goes to the wild to shoot a bear. Finds a track,
follows it to a cave. Hides behind a rock to see if there is
movement in there. When he sees, he raises his gun and shoots
into the dark.
The bear runs out in fury and grabs the hunter and tells:
"You made me really angry, hunter. You have to make
it up to me that you wanted to kill me, so kneel down and blow
my dick." ...
1 Comments, 97 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
On The Campaign Trail "Political Humor" 8/15/2016
Trump and Hillary Go Into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail.
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries
and puts them in her pocket. She says to Trump, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't
see anything and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely
win the election."
Trump says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty
you have displayed throughout your entire ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
|
|
Night school 8/15/2016
Two policemen are walking the streets on duty in DC. They
pass the Lincoln Memorial.
"Do you know, which president Lincoln was?"
"I have no idea."
"Well... If you went to the Night School, you would
know that he was the 16th president."
They walk a bit more and pass the White house.
"Do you know how many rooms are there in the White House?"
...
3 Comments, 107 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
|
|
Farmer 8/15/2016
This old man goes to the doctor for help:
"Doc, we are happily married couple for 59 years now.
I love my wife, and now that we'll have 60th anniversary,
I want to... You know... One last time do her really good,
but... Well... The Captain is not as fit as he used to be."
"Don't you worry a second. Take this pill, and
at the beginning of the dinner, take it. I can guarantee, ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
13 Votes
,4.65 Score
|
|
Broadcast 8/15/2016
This girl wants to send a message to her grandma over the
radio. Goes to the station's studio to talk to the DJ.
He listens to the request and tells her:
"You know... There's a price for this."
"Of course. Anything you want."
"Well, then..." starts the DJ while taking
off his pants "... Go down to your knees and get started."
Surely she kneels in front of him, ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
idk 8/12/2016
?
1 Comments, 20 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
How do you make your wife scream twice? 8/11/2016
Fuck her in the ass, then pull it out and wipe iy on the curtains!
2 Comments, 30 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
|
|
just something funny 8/11/2016
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, I shaved my
pussy you know what that means ? I said, yeah the drain is
clogged again. No lovin for me that night lol.
1 Comments, 17 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
Just checking...... 8/11/2016
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office
and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome
she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing
her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Take it to a vet 8/11/2016
A couple driving home hit and wonded a skunk on the road.
The wife gets out and brings it back to the car.
We need to take it to a vet. it's shivering, it must be
cold, what should I do?.. she asks
Put it between your legs to keep it warm!..he replies
But it STINKS.... she exclaims...
So hold its nose........
0 Comments, 48 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
|
|
Looking to Shed those extra Pounds 8/10/2016
A guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose
20 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds
a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says "If you
catch me, you can screw me." An hour later, he emerges,
sated and 20 lbs. lighter. A month later, he returns and
needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs
again, but this time there are two girls with the ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
The Contest 8/10/2016
DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard
of 'MateMatch'?" Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have." DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a
trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First
name only please." Contestant: "Brian." DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?" Brian: "Yes." DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're
what?" Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, ...
1 Comments, 83 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
What are friends for? 8/10/2016
One evening, Mike went over to his friend's house to
play cards with Terry and some other friends. Mike sat directly
across from Terry's wife Susan.
When Mike dropped a playing card on the floor and bent down
to pick it up, he looked across underneath the table and
saw that Terry's wife had her legs wide open with no
panties on. Mike then sat up and tried hiding the fact that
he was ...
2 Comments, 110 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
Best advice from a Rabbi... 8/9/2016
A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible
is happening and I have to talk to you about it.' The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?' The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.' The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that
be?' The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm
certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
Superman is Horny 8/9/2016
One fine day, Superman went to visit his good friend Wonder
Woman.
As he approached her front door, he heard some moaning sounds
coming from an open window.
Curious, he went to the window and peered inside.
The sight he saw was shocking.
Wonder Woman was naked on her bed. Her legs were spread wide
open, her arms were at her side, her eyes were closed, and
she ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
|
|
Blind Man 8/8/2016
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint
their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take
all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they
hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then
one nun says, "He's ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
Cost of Viagra 8/7/2016
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their overnight
. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his 's
medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The said, "I don't think you should take one
Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a
pill, " answered the . "I don't care, "
said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and
before we leave in the ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
|
|
Olympic Condoms 8/7/2016
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic
condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase
he just made.
“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them
so special?”
“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver
and Bronze.”
“What color are you going to wear ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Martian Trip 8/6/2016
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple
and are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stock-market, if they have laptop
computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen
brings up the subject of sex. “Just how do you guys do it?”
asks Maureen.
“Pretty much the way ...
1 Comments, 69 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Tattoo 8/6/2016
Eric gets home late one night and Sarah, his wife, asks “Where
the hell have you been?” Eric replies “I was out getting
a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned. “What kind of tattoo did
you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates” he said
proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking”? She said, shaking
her head in disgust. “Why on earth would ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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Where Are You Going? 8/6/2016
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was
falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to
talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were
courting."
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and
tried to go back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then,
you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck ...
3 Comments, 106 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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gotcha!!! 8/5/2016
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: The Rooster...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Non Veg adult 8/4/2016
Funny Non veg adults jokes, some double meaning, some dirty.
1 Comments, 37 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Non Veg adult 8/4/2016
Funny Non veg adults jokes, some double meaning, some dirty.
2 Comments, 31 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Pumpernickel Bread 8/2/2016
Two men are walking on the boardwalk. One says to the other,
“I’ve got to run. Have to hurry home to make love with
my wife.”
The other man looks astounded. “Make love to your wife?
You are as old as I am! Nearly ninety-five years old! What
do you mean you have to go home and make love to your wife?"
The first man says, “We have a great sex life. We make love
three ...
2 Comments, 89 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Condom Size 8/1/2016
One day at the pharmacy a man walked in with a troubled look
on his face. The pharmacist noticed and asked if he could
help him. The man replys, "I'm looking for some
condoms." The pharmacist asked, "Do you know
what size you are?" The man said, "Well...not
exactly." The pharmacist pulls out from behind his
counter a board with aligned holes on it, going from big
to small. He tells the man to go ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Area 51 8/1/2016
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area
51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks
out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing
at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded
the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation
room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas,
got lost, and ...
1 Comments, 73 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Condom Packs 8/1/2016
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old . They
happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What
are these, Dad?" The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
condoms, . Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see, " replied the boys pensively. "Yes,
I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of three
and asks, "Why ...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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More Golf Humor 7/31/2016
What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Wash your balls.
Why are golf and sex so similar? They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though
you are really bad at them.
A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed
with his golf clubs. Seeing the astonished look on her face,
he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?"
...
2 Comments, 47 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Eating Pussy 7/31/2016
A guy goes into a whorehouse and he goes upstairs and starts
eating out this chicks pussy. Not long after he started
he feels something between his teeth and he spits out a small
piece of lettuce! He thought to himself how strange that
is...so he went back to eating her pussy. Not long after
that he felt something else between his teeth and he spits
out a small piece of a tomato! He thought to ...
2 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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bastards and bitches 7/31/2016
“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards
and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks,
"Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his
dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are
gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his
mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume
bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom,
what is shit?" and she says, ...
2 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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survey says!!! 7/30/2016
The United States funded a study to determine why the head
on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study
took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded
that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than
the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during
sex. After the results were published, France decided
to conduct their own study on the same subject. They ...
3 Comments, 67 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score
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Superman :) 7/30/2016
Superman is flying around the city, horny as hell. He suddenly
sees Wonder Woman spread eagle, naked on top of the building.
Superman thinks, "This is my chance!" He swoops
down, faster than a speeding bullet bangs her and is gone
in the blink of an eye. Wonder Woman sits up and says, "What
the hell was that!?" The Invisible Man rolls off her
and says, "I have no idea but it hurt like hell!"
0 Comments, 27 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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wise! 7/30/2016
A father is asked by his friend, "Has your decided
what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector, "
replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's
a rather strange ambition to have for a career." "Well, " said the boy's father, "He
thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
2 Comments, 54 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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What do I look like 7/29/2016
This woman could never get her husband to do anything around
the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the
tv, eat dinner, and sit some more. He would never do those
little household repairs that most husbands take care
of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet
stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly,
"Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look ...
2 Comments, 61 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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You’re one in a million 7/28/2016
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy,
there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Japanese economy 7/27/2016
Fully half of all Japanese women are part- time or temporary
workers. Most will leave the workforce for good after having
their first . Which leads me to ask, who designed the
Japanese economy, a 1950's soap opera director.
3 Comments, 35 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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