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RESPONSES THAT WORK, GET LAID TONIGHT! 12/17/2008 Guys here are some responses that are fool proof, just copy and paste and get ready for action tonight! I have just died and gone to Heaven after seeing your gorgeous profiled picture! I am 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I Love Women 11/15/2008 I love women. I love them all! The young, the old, the ugly, the beautiful... I like the way they look, I like the way they smell, and especially the way they feel. Their fuzzy legs with the bald part 0 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Greeks and Italians 11/13/2008 Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says: We have the Parthenon The Italian says: We have the Coliseum The Greek says: We had 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Mental Hotline 11/11/2008 If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A Man and his six .. 11/8/2008 A man boarded a plane with 6 . After they got settled in their Seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and Asked, 'Are all of those yours?' He replied, 'No. I work for a Co 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Other Man 11/8/2008 After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. 'No, silly, ' she replie 0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes | |
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CLOSER TO ME 11/5/2008 I saw you again on top of the hill Diamond and sapphire eyes colored blue The songbird whispers, voices frozen still By the light of the lamp, faded shadows are true I wish upon a falling s 0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Poem from an Alcoholic 11/4/2008 Sleeping then, my dreams Carried me to your hesitant shore And I walked the land you are How like my dreams to give me sight taste and constructive sound Oh furnish me with this sweet vacati 0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Aids 11/3/2008 Gay Frank goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says"Frank, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have Aids." Frank is devastated. " Doc, what 0 Comments, 143 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?' 11/1/2008 The guy answers, 'A scotch, please.' The bartender hands him the drink, and says 'That'll be five dollars, ' to which the guy replies, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything fo 0 Comments, 121 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Ass Cleaning 10/27/2008 ass cleaning tips ________________________________________ Date: 2557-07-15, 11:51AM EDT Ass cleaning tips I have mastered the art of cleaning my stool hall and I want to sh 0 Comments, 295 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Ass Cleaning 10/27/2008 ass cleaning tips ________________________________________ Date: 2557-07-15, 11:51AM EDT Ass cleaning tips I have mastered the art of cleaning my stool hall and I want to sh 0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes | |
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MARRIAGE COUNSELING 10/26/2008 A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" T 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Forrest Gump Goes to Heaven... 10/26/2008 The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper. Saint 0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Operating Room Talk 10/26/2008 Five surgeons were talking about the best patients... First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered." 0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Soldiers of the Village 10/21/2008 I've written for my lady I've written for the ages About a man time forgot Pen to pages, riding the ghost train again I can see in life' reflection mirror The Dharma Bums delight In drinking midnight 0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Jewish Newlywed Woman 6/19/2008 What are the three rooms that are not needed in a Newlywed Jewish woman's home? A washer dryer room, kitchen and a bedroom. 0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Jewish Women 6/19/2008 How do you keep a Jewish woman from fucking you everyday? Marry her. 0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Painting a Boat ( A Waiter or Waitress Joke) 6/19/2008 What is the best color to paint a boat? Black because it will never tip! 0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Susan Grund Story from Susan Grund 4/29/2008 xix The guard that escorted me to se~egatlon was quiet until we were awa~ from the others. How much time did they give your He genVjy asked. flarnn. You know where that came from d 0 Comments, 225 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I TURN TO YOU 4/17/2008 When the world is darker than I can understand When nothing turns out the way I planned When the sky turns gray and there's no end in sight When I can't sleep through the lonely night I turn 0 Comments, 77 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Condom Buddies 9/5/2007 What did one condom say to the other when they went by the gay bar? "Do you wanna get shit faced?"... 0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Death in Paris (a Tribute to Diana) 8/27/2007 The world’s grown dimmer than ever tonight Death in Paris ended the Princess flight The on rushing fury of paparazzi light Echoes of tragedy and horror in the night. 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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It's Starting to Rain! 8/27/2007 Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Ride 8/27/2007 A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the unassisted and the immediately springs into motion. It 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Fix the Dents 8/27/2007 A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Milk Bath 8/27/2007 A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He th 0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Flat Belly 7/26/2007 A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her and quickly dismounts, worried about what her has seen. She d 0 Comments, 166 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hall Way Sex! 7/17/2007 Elderly couples that have been married longer than they both can remember have hall way sex... when they both pass each other in a hall way they both say "fuck you!"[/CO... 0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Eleven Reasons E-mail is like a Penis: 7/16/2007 11 . Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off. 10. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior. 9. Those who don't 0 Comments, 30 Views, 0 Votes | |
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REMEMBER WHEN... 7/16/2007 > > A computer was something on TV > > From a science fiction show. > > A window was something you hated to clean > > and RAM was the cousin of a goat. » > > Meg was th 0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Shit Happens 7/16/2007 Two buddies, Tony and Steve, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Steve throws up all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!" Tony says, "Don't worry, p 0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Viagra 7/8/2007 Did you hear about the truck full of viagra that ran off the Chesapeake bridge? It turned all the soft shell crabs HARD!... 0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Nut House 6/30/2007 A new doctor takes a tour of the mental ward with the senior physician. The new doctor looks in the first window and sees a man driving golf balls into the wall, he asks " wha 0 Comments, 83 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wonderful Life 6/30/2007 Woman I 'd love to give you the world And everything you ever dreamed And all that I could afford, and some I couldn't Most of all I'd love to give you my love, and all of my hear 0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Butcher and the Duck 6/30/2007 A lady asks the Butcher "do you have any Long Island duck?" The Butcher says " I have ducks over there" The Lady picks up the first duck looks at the asshole and says" this is a Boston duc 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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it ain't easy being a dick! 6/29/2007 - i've got a head i can't think with... - an eye i can't see out of... - i have to hang around with two nuts all the time... - my closest neighbor is an asshole... - worst of a 0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pink Weenie 6/22/2007 A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sit 0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Musings from Larry the Cable Guy 6/22/2007 1. A day without sunshine is like night. 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyer 0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Love Dress 6/22/2007 A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married 's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her -in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and 0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Civics 101 6/22/2007 A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator 0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Runny Nose 6/18/2007 What do you call a with a runny nose? Full!... 0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes | |
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CLOSER TO ME 6/13/2007 I saw you again on top of the hill Diamond and sapphire eyes colored blue The songbird whispers, voices frozen still By the light of the lamp, faded shadows are true I wish 0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes | |
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KILLER GYPSIES 5/29/2007 Jeanne Dixon may have told the future To former world leaders But not a damn soul ever told me About a scheme for a schemer And a plot for me to lure Smoke a quarry out of a hole Concrete shoes, hangm 0 Comments, 6 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Bad Donkey 5/10/2007 What if your donkey bit the leg off of my rooster, what would happen? You would have a foot of my cock in your ass.... 0 Comments, 31 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pity 5/10/2007 Listen to the sound of the rain The early morning hours make their way Somehow, someway, I've got to stop myself From digging deeper in the pain Listen to the wind blow outside my door Echoe 0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes | |
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WISH 4/27/2007 I wish I could find my way to the end of a golden trail I wish I had a dime for every bad dream that I've had My thoughts collecting dust, merits made on paper but my soul won't rust I wish I had a pi 0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Toward the Horizon 4/26/2007 I'm heading out tonight On that stretching highway The dusk meets the headlights Toward the horizon again I lit a cigarette and put her to the floor Felt like someplace, somewhere I had to go 0 Comments, 8 Views, 0 Votes | |
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WALKING IN THE RAIN 4/19/2007 Let me search my thoughts a while It all comes back with time The beginning of the day has fresh deceit So unreal, but not a dream The love, the hate, the misunderstood Not sure of the strange Unlike 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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LADY DANGER 4/18/2007 She's a mean Eyed beauty with a silver tongue She'll wrap you in her spell, leave you undone She'll reel you in closer, when she points her pretty finger And she'll always leave yo 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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THE HOURGLASS 4/14/2007 Time flies, time moves with every hour Passing to the future And leaving behind the days events As the sun on the horizon Draws to a close Little do we realize 0 Comments, 25 Views, 0 Votes | |
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TURQUOISE 4/14/2007 Beauty with blue eyes, with her head hanging low Sorrows on her mind, but she wouldn't let you know All the pain thats in her life, but the scars and marks let you know That its t 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Death in Paris 4/13/2007 The world’s grown dimmer than ever tonight Death in Paris ended the Princess flight The on rushing fury of paparazzi light Echoes of tragedy and horror in the night. 0 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wonderful Life 4/13/2007 Woman I 'd love to give you the world And everything you ever dreamed And all that I could afford, and some I couldn't Most of all I'd love to give you my lo 0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes | |
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FROZEN ROSE 4/13/2007 A split second thought of you Begging me to put you on my paper trace Dyin' for me to say, all those beautiful things About your golden shrouded pretty face I see you comi 0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pre Relationship Agreement! 4/12/2007 P R E - R E L A T I O N S H I P A G R E E M E N T On this _____day of ______, 2007, the party of the first part___________________________ (herein referred to as "She"), being of sound mind and prett 0 Comments, 255 Views, 0 Votes | |
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FLAT BELLY 4/12/2007 A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. the mom sees her and quickly dismounts, worried about what her has seen. She dre 0 Comments, 110 Views, 0 Votes | |
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STEEL ARMOR 4/12/2007 Love is a whisper, love is a tear Love is a memory, love is a wish That, love, is the meaning of no fear Love is the promise of a lifetime in your arms. Come take my hand, into forever we'll run 0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes |
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