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King Arthur and the Witch 12/13/2010 Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his fre 0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Catholic Heart Attack 10/3/2010 A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open-heart bypass surgery. He awakened from surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital . As he was recovering, a nun ask 0 Comments, 125 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The old farmer and the city slicker 6/26/2010 An old farmer is sitting on his front porch one day when he see's a city slicker in a 3-piece suit walking up the road carrying several rolls of duct tape. The farmer asks the man "whatcha doin' with 0 Comments, 93 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A recent study ................................................ 10/13/2009 found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the g 0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes | |
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My Neighbors 10/13/2009 ------- the lesbians next door -------- asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think 0 Comments, 122 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Pope and Nancy Pelosi 10/8/2009 are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope said, "Did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy 0 Comments, 133 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Lone Ranger's Last Request 9/22/2009 The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ... "In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed i 0 Comments, 80 Views, 0 Votes | |
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As we get older.......................................... 9/20/2009 we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the c 0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes | |
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High Urinals 9/13/2009 A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industr 0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A blonde 9/4/2009 gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting...... 0 Comments, 142 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A new Army Captain 8/27/2009 was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel wa 0 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Farrach Fawcett 8/1/2009 arrived at the Pearly gates and St Peter said "You've lived a good life, if you had one wish what would that be?" Farrah thought for a moment and answered "I'd like all the little in the world to be 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sex after Death 8/1/2009 A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life. After a long life together, the husband was th 0 Comments, 120 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Mexican Maid 8/1/2009 Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well, Señora, 0 Comments, 135 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A salesman from KFC............................................................ 7/28/2009 ................walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sharing Peanuts 7/28/2009 A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. Aft 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The golfing num...... 7/25/2009 A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. 'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was 0 Comments, 138 Views, 0 Votes | |
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This could only happen with a little Italian . 7/25/2009 Why didn't I think of this when I wan a ? 'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' Yes, Father, it is..' And w 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Shamus and Murphy........................................ 7/25/2009 ................fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.' He we 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The following is the proof........................................................ 7/21/2009 that we have become too dependent on our computers. Question: Are you Male, or Female? To find out the answer, Look down.... 0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes | |
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To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine..................................... 7/21/2009 As Benjamin Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that, if we drink 1 0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Recent New Member Photo Gallery! 6/15/2009 Why do I pay this fucking site money? I have no fucking idea. Just another example of how this site sticks it up your ass. Not that it matters, but its false advertising when you click on t 0 Comments, 171 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Old Men Chatting 5/29/2009 Sixty is the worst age to be, " said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothin, " said the 70- 0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Advice from a retired husband 5/6/2009 It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to ye 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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An engineer in Hell 3/23/2009 An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell. It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather 0 Comments, 111 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Short Scottish Joke 3/23/2009 A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?' To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the to 0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The power of Alcohol 3/19/2009 A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his was born without torso, arms or legs. The is just a head! But the dad loves his and raises him as well 0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A foursome 3/18/2009 A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and an Italian from Brooklyn were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Italian fr 0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Deaf Sex 3/16/2009 Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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St. Patrick's Day 3/16/2009 An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. “Father”, he confessed, “it has been one month since my last confession.” I had sex with Nookie Green twic 0 Comments, 83 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Anal Sex 3/15/2009 A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. 'Do you enjoy it?' The 0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Doggone! 1/26/2009 Three Labrador retrievers -- one brown, one yellow and one black were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's surgery when they struck up a conversation. The black lab turned to the brown an 0 Comments, 104 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Indian with one testicle 7/31/2008 There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, O 0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Gay Flight Attendant 7/21/2008 My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came sw 0 Comments, 148 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Restaurant Consultants 7/20/2008 A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place, ' and noticed that the waiter who took our order car 0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Blonde Mortician 6/19/2008 "Disclaimer-This just a joke." A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing inexpensive, expertly tailored black suit. The 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Incredible Story 6/16/2008 In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised 0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Meeting the Pope 6/13/2008 A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting, " thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ 0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pfizer Announcement 6/8/2008 Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to 0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Will I live to be 90? 5/27/2008 I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that 0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes | |
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INDIANS DON'T USE SADDLES! 5/20/2008 A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind hi 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Missing Husband 5/20/2008 Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 secon 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Three little ducks go into a Bar 5/20/2008 Three little ducks go into a bar, 'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck. 'Huey, ' was the reply. 'How's your day been, Huey?' 'Great. Lovely day. Had a 0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sex 5/14/2008 > SOCIAL SECURITY SEX > > Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?' > 'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex.' > 'Social Security sex?' > 'Yeah, you know; I get a little each mont 0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes | |
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ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION 3/16/2008 This could only happen with a little Italian ! Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?' 'Yes, Father, 0 Comments, 117 Views, 0 Votes | |
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THE CREMATED HUSBAND 2/20/2008 Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn he was in, she poured him out onto the patio table. Then tracing her fingers in 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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New Wine for Seniors 2/20/2008 California vintners in the Sonoma Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. 0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Farmer John 2/20/2008 John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets, " and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records an 0 Comments, 137 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Little Sally 2/6/2008 Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!' Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 0 Comments, 121 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pest Contol 1/29/2008 A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick, " 0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Box 1/29/2008 A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "We 0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes | |
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An xmatch profile 1/29/2008 A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: HUSBAND WANTED MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT M 0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes | |
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At the pearly gates 1/27/2008 Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, 'You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who 0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Guilty 1/12/2008 Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, “surely I can’t look that old?” Well, listen to this one. This woman, Alice Smith was sitting in the wa 0 Comments, 98 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A trip to the hospital 1/4/2008 A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis. According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at 0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Three men and a woman 1/4/2008 Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says ' I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist 0 Comments, 154 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Helpful Farmer 1/4/2008 An Irish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond. The Irish farmer shouted: "Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for." … Which in Gaelic m 0 Comments, 117 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pedro & His Girl 12/25/2007 One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu." 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A visit to the Dentist 12/19/2007 This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months 0 Comments, 143 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Things that sound dirty at Christmas. 12/17/2007 "Talk about a huge breast!" "Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" "Tying the legs together will keep the insid 0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sex therapy 12/11/2007 A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The d 0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Fifty dollars is Fifty dollars. 12/9/2007 Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter." Esther always replied, 0 Comments, 106 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Religion 12/4/2007 Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation By not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed f 0 Comments, 120 Views, 0 Votes | |
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GREAT ITALIAN SEX 12/4/2007 GREAT ITALIAN SEX The Jewish man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for fi 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Train Tracks 11/14/2007 An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" Asked the barman. "Well, I'll tell you, " replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railw 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY ... 11/14/2007 A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you kno 0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Airplanes 11/9/2007 A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before h 0 Comments, 120 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Anal 11/9/2007 This to all the people who have asked questions on the Advice Line about anal activities. Anal sex, bum sex, sex by the back door, Greek, fudge-packing and sodomy - these are some of t 0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Football 11/9/2007 Three football fans were out for a ride when one noticed a foot sticking Out Of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female, passed out drunk. < 0 Comments, 128 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Little Johnny 11/9/2007 A grade school teacher in Arkansas asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, 'my family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet shee 0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A Preacher's 11/9/2007 An old country preacher had a teenage and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Tuesday Funny 11/6/2007 A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, `Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?'" "T 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sunday Morning Humor 11/4/2007 One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and 0 Comments, 110 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Halloween Joke 11/1/2007 An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs. When she ca 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Questions from my cluttered mind. 11/1/2007 Do you smoke? Well do you? In browsing profiles I see thee "l am a lite social smoker". What exactly does that term mean? So you smoke when you drink? In a bar? For me it is a deal breaker, as I will 0 Comments, 93 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Long Term Relationships 10/31/2007 So what does LTR mean to you? Devoting oneself to someone? Could be one’s interpretation of a how a relationship should be. Making them, thee be all ends all, doesn’t sound healthy. 0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Taliban and an old salesman 10/26/2007 A fleeing Tali ban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a l 0 Comments, 76 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The dating age factor for Men and Women. 10/26/2007 One of the groups I am member of is Younger Women/Older Men. In browsing profiles, the age group that I seek is 48 to 60. I know that I suffer from delusion of grander, and that is why I 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes |
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